Hello friends!
I hope everyone has been well and not melting away with the summer...is it just me or has this summer gone way too fast!?
So lets get started...I have to say this book wasn't one I would have normally gone out of my way to read, thats why I love this bookclub, it forces me out of my safe little box. The reason I would't have chosen it is because of its sad subject of course..I don't like sad things, so I stray away from them.
After reading the first few chapters I have to admit I was very sad, this book has already brought me to tears twice. I am enjoying her writing style though, it just seems to flow and is so easy and straightforward. I think the huge success of this book is that she is touching on a subject everyone can relate to...death and death of a loved one. I found myself growing so attatched to this woman and her family very quickly mainly because she invites you into her thoughts and fears. I felt like I had lost one of my loved ones all over again as she carefully described the right of duty of giving away your deceased loved ones clothing.
This book also sparked many thoughts of my own death and my partners death...will it be that fast..cold..and such a slap in the face like her husbands was? It made me wonder how I would deal with the same sitation....would I be numb and going through the motions of doing what I was supposed to or would I be a puddle on the floor in complete despair?
I loved when she would reflect on when they were younger...their routine of stopping work promptly at 4 and going to the garden and playing in the pool...watching their favorite BBC show and then having dinner. It was such a simple scenario...but one that made me feel even more attatched to the characters, I wanted to hear more of their past...yet I really am curious to know where she is going with these thoughts she keeps having..."that he is coming back"
She has said that a few times...thats why she stopped throwing his shoes away. I really am not sure where she is going with this idea he is coming back....what do you predict will happen...what do you think she means by saying he this?
I thought maybe she means in heaven or maybe she thinks her memories of him will grow strong enough that in some form he is back?? I'm at a loss for this just yet. Either way...and even though very sad..I'm already attatched to this story and am looking forward to see how it turns out.
How did these chapter effect you...did you think of your own mortality?
Let the discussion begin!
7 comments:
hi ash.
i enjoyed reading your thoughts. what strikes me most about this book is its honesty. i think so many of us avoid talking about death yet it is something that we all have to come to terms with...many times over.
i thought alot about her discussion of "the ordinary moment". it is interesting. how something so life changing can occur in the midst of "ordinary" life. this made me think of how i was cooking dinner for tom one moment (so ordinary) and then all of a sudden i'm rushing to the emergency room.
as for your question of what she means when she says he is coming back. i think this is directly related to the title. it is an example of her "magical thinking". she truly thought he would be coming back because she couldn't cope with life otherwise.
have a good weekend. xo
hello there.
i read the book a month ago, so my memory may be fuzzy, but here goes. this book isn't easy to read or understand on so many levels. it deals with death, which is something that is hard to understand unless you yourself go through it, and it's very simply written that it's easy to overlook things.
as to what didion means when she says he is coming back...i agree with shari that it is part of her "magical thinking." i also think it is the initial stage of denial, as in, no he's not really gone, his shoes are still there, he'll come back, he always does, i must keep his shoes for him...(for reference on stages of grief, see this wiki about kubler-ross stages). her husband was a constant presence in her life, and she's not yet used to being him gone. she hasn't faced that reality yet. she still thinks about their routines, how they are still there in her head, and somehow, because they are still there in her head, they are still there in real life. she's walking a very hazy line between reality and memories (magical thinking).
more details when i get my book and re-read those pages. :)
I've only read the first couple chapters too. I started it last week while waiting for my Mister to return from a 10-day trip and I had to stop because of the overwhelming sensation that I couldn't handle thinking about losing him when we have been separated for so long (long for us anyway). I too love it when she talks about the ordinary moments and their schedules (my Mister and I both work from home right now and stop in the afternoon to drink tea together or go for a walk before resuming for the evening - a little too close to home).
I think her 'magical thinking' is denial. Who can blame her though? When two lives are so intertwined one probably can't image the other person really leaving for good. This is something I have never experienced but it makes sense to me.
Good choice. This is also a book I would never have thought to pick up. As soon as Book 7 is finished I will get back to it. :)
Didion is obviously a very powerful writer. That said, I began this book months ago (being a fan of hers I was very excited to read it) but ended up putting it down. I think the reason was I too had trouble dealing with the thought of my husband dying. She is terribly honest and revealing, and I'm definitly not ready to think about that aspect of marriage, as it is all too soon for us. (we only just celebrated our 2nd anniversary) However, it is certainly an important part of life as well as any relationship. I guess the difference with marriage is that you are committing to death. But I'll be brave and pick it back up.
Shari- Yes! I agree with you about her honesty...it is just so real and vulnerable..it makes you feel so close and personal with her right away.
eunice and melanie-
I feel this is a very personal subject that is hard to discuss but she seems to write about it so easily. I agree with everyone that her year of magical thinking is her being in denial...her way of dealing with her new loss.
maepress- Thanks for your thoughts...I hope being able to discuss them here will be the push to read the book.
Thank you everyone!! for your insights and thoughts :)
we are off to a great start!
i think what i most admire about this book is that didion is so amazingly candid.
she is a smart smart woman and in a way only because i think she is used to writing so analytically and journalistically is she able to write so clearly about a subject that normally we never ever talk about.
i really like how she tries to start from the start. that somehow - through writing - what she [and her husband] knows and loves - something will make sense.
keeping the shoes seems completely viable the way she presents it. even though we [and she] knows that it's not.
i am so glad we are reading this
I am still refreshing myself on this first part of the book...[so will come back with favourite parts a little later] but I really found the pace of the first portion of the book a bit hard going - it seemed to flow in bits, and then become a little dis-jointed in others [funny you found the opposite ash!]...but then I realised the perfection of this. How this is like grief itself...hard, even harder in parts - okay for a while, then hard again. Up and down. Unpredictable.
I already can feel Didions skill as a writer kicking in from the off...it not only filtering through to the way she writes, but also to the the beautiful, eloquent and ordered [or not] way she relays her thoughts, how she handles her grief.
As yet...I am not enjoying this book as well as I thought I might, but also feel this may be the subject. However, am really looking forward to the next part - and I surely love the writing regardless.
Great post Ash, thanks! xx
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